dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
