if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
