Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
