I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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