you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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