the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
