so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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