1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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