Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
