remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
