I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
