I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
