Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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