He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
