I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
