I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
