I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
