There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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