cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
