Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
