I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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