Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
