It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
