There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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