Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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