What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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