My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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