I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
