sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
