I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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