Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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