Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
