Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
