was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
