I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
