We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
