As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
