Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
