hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
