Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
