I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
