How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
