the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
