her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
