Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
