you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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