Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
