Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
