Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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