No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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