It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
