there's paper in my vomit.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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