I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
