Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's an acceptable place to lick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
