WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
