i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
