if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
