if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
