end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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