I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
