Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want her autograph on my taint
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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