it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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