I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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