Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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