u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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