Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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