End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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