and you said cock pushups were impossible
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
