the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
