dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
